So, Spring has Sprung and I am LOVING every second of it. I have been waiting for this since October and here it is!!! It is so nice to walk outside with short sleeves and no jacket- to feel the sun on my face and the light breeze and the buds on the trees. My lilies are several inches out of the ground and I have felt a long awaited lift in my spirits.
The odd thing that I wasn't expecting is that, though my spirits are lifted, I have yet to "snap out of" my funk I have been in and I just am not sure why. I feel bad even saying this because nothing is really "wrong" and I have friends facing real trials. This is just one of those "funks for no reason" that will hopefully leave soon.
Here is one example of how this funk is aggravating me. On one hand, I have been looking forward to spring cleaning for once. My house has been neglected for a long time and I long to get it straightened up and scoured out. The desire is there and strong, yet I feel I am not accomplishing much. I feel like I am busy- yet nothing gets accomplished really. I made a list of spring cleaning chores I want to get done- preferably by the end of April- and it takes up an entire sheet of notebook paper. When I do get a little time, I either feel like it is not enough time to really accomplish something, or I find myself incredibly tired and without the energy.
Aaron tells me my problem is I am not "home" enough- that I go out and about to do other things too much during the day. He may be at least partially right- me and the girls do get out and do a lot- but then, we always have and I feel like I have stayed on top of things better than I have lately. Besides, how boring would it be really to stay home ALL DAY EVERY DAY?! But, even so, I am still home a fair amount of hours and should be able to get things done, but I feel it is all I can do to keep up on daily chores that HAVE to get done: laundry, shopping, bill paying, cleaning floors, picking up toys, etc- and when those are done, there just isn't much left- energy or time-for the other chores I feel need done as well.
So, why am I having such a hard time getting it done? Where is my time and energy I once had? The motivation is there, but the drive is not. I really like the "Bare Naked Ladies" song "Pinch Me" and have had it go through my head several times. Here is a selection of the lyrics:
It's the perfect time of year
Somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess
There's a restaurant down the street
Where hungry people like to eat
I could walk but I'll just drive
It's colder than it looks outside
It's like a dream you try to remember
But it's gone
Then you try to scream
But it only comes out as a yawn
When you try to see the world
Beyond your front door
It is kind of how I feel- I have ideas and thoughts and things I want to do, but it doesn't quite happen. I feel like I am "screaming" inside with what I want to do, yet a "yawn" is all that comes out. So, why am I having a hard time? Are my expectations too high? Then why is it people with several kids like me manage a perfectly clean house it seems? Or are my priorities out of whack and I need to refocus them? Is it my recent weight gain that has zapped my energy? I need to exercise but am having some pretty bad foot pain (a whole other story....) but I need to at least eat better. Is it just that I am a bit overwhelmed by my list and need to just take it a step at a time? Or am I just naturally a bit busy and things will level out with time? I am busy but I feel with a little more energy, I could move a little faster and get more done.
Obviously, even my blogging is suffering. I love blogging, but haven't been on here in two weeks! I have some family activities I could post about, but just feel so "blah" about posting them- while they were fun for us, I fear boredom for all who read them. I will still post those, because I want to print this blog for my family to read the memories. So, kind of the same thing. I love blogging and want to do it and my insides "scream" to do it, yet it is a "yawn" that comes out.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my little rant here. I suppose I should end this and try to accomplish something....
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