Just WHAT am I doing with myself?!
I worried about this all summer.
Yet, I didn't feel like it was time for me to go back to work. Despite them being gone all day, they still need me. They are still here in the mornings and afternoons- breaks and summers. I wanted to be able to volunteer in the classroom more because I didn't get to do that much with the boys since the girls were there. I also knew that it would be helpful to Aaron as well if I was home because it means I will still be there when they are sick so he doesn't have to take off work and I can still do the bulk of the housework so he can focus on work and just being here. I love that he has been totally supportive of whatever I want to do. He was fine with me working if I wanted and- so far- really likes that I am still at home so I can be here for the kids. We both like that I can be here for whatever is needed. So, even though it just felt strange, there was no doubt in my mind that my job is still here in my home. (and I by no means am saying this is what everyone should do. Every family is different. I am simply saying this is my decision and what I feel is best for my own family.)
So....what to do then?
So much of my life seemed like it was caring for my children and I worried what I would do and started making plans. My house would be clean, I would work on catching up on having pictures printed, I would volunteer at a couple different places, volunteer in the classroom, and do my running around while they were in school so I could be home in the evenings when they were.
How much of this have I succeeded in? Very little....
I find I am just as busy as before- I just don't have to drag kids around with me in doing it! Here are some of my observations:
- There are so many errands to run, doctors appointments, shopping needing done, volunteering at school, and other obligations that I am actually rarely home.
-and I may be glutton for punishment. I agreed to be the assistant treasurer in the twins club and am also still on the social committee. I also agreed to be a co-leader for the daisy scout troop my girls will be in. I don't think I will have time to be bored....
- when I am home, it is just waaaaay too quiet in the house. I usually carry my iPod around with me playing music. In the evening, the kids seem so noisy! ha ha! Aaron says that I now know how he feels!
-My house is still not clean. I have been too busy!
- I still have not printed one single picture- I just haven't had time!
- this is my first blog post in almost a month because i just haven't had time to sit down and write! Who would have thought with all the kids in school, I would be too busy to blog?!
-I have been volunteering in the classroom once a week and am loving it! It feels great to be in the building, getting to know the teachers and helping out.
-I am babysitting for the community choir again. I am probably crazy, but it is only once a week (more often in December....) and it makes good Christmas money!
-I absolutely HATE eating lunch by myself in the quiet house. It sucks. That is the only part of this I really hate. I have been looking for excuses to not be home at lunch time. I really miss having my kids here at lunch time to eat with them. I have gone to lunch with Aaron or my dad- or I have just stopped when out. But, I can't do it all the time because we just can't afford it- neither the money or the calories....
- I do enjoy being able to get up and go and get errands done faster without kids. Or that I can go to the doctor without asking a friend to babysit.
-I also enjoy life being not as hectic in the evenings (though it is busy of course, with soccer and all) but it is nice that I can get my running done during the day and just be here for my family.
-I am grateful for this opportunity that I can do this. I know it is a huge blessing. Not that we are rich. Oh my we are not... we live pay check to pay check and struggle to get everything paid. But, we make it work. I am very willing to sacrifice financial security so my kids know I am here for them.
-I will likely go back to work at some point- probably substitute teaching or something (so I can still be on the same schedule as the kids) on a part time basis but probably not this school year if we can swing it financially. Right now I just want to be here for them and focus on what needs done. Maybe next year. We will see. After that and when the kids are grown- I no longer no what I want do. I feel like I no longer know "what I want to be when I grow up." I used to be so sure but now I have no idea.
-I know I need to close this now because I have piles of laundry to fold, dishes to do and messes to clean up- and my kids will be home in 30 minutes!! Yikes! There are just not enough hours...
Till next time....
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